MerryGoRounds: An Old Standard in Torture

Like the slide, my dearest Baby Soldiers, do not be fooled by the music and bright colors of the latest in Parental Torture Devices (PTD).

The first PTD Merry Go Round or "Carousel" dates back to the Byzantine Empire around 500 AD which depicts riders in baskets suspended from a central pole. A little bit of research on Wikipedia opens my eyes to the true depth of the PTD. Parents have been torturing children for centuries.

The time has come for change. Stand up little Soldiers! We must fight back with all our might. I will send for you when I have more specific plans on Operation STOP (Start Tormenting Our Parents). Stay tuned, and be on the lookout for anything with suspiciously happy music.

Mom: Smarter than she looks?

Dear Baby Soldiers, I fear the worst. I believe my mother is catching on to our work as future leaders of the universe. And this is my proof:



Recently she has begun hurling me down a large red slick torture device (aka "slide") which hurls the unsuspecting Baby Solider into the air, rapidly increasing her heart rate, and frightening her into submission.

Be warned, my loyal troops, of this terrifying device of horror.

The Purpose of Our Limbs

It is a miracle, Baby Soldiers! In the last few days, I have discovered the power of our very own limbs! Ah yes. Not only are we to use our great minds to successfully secure my position as Totalitarian Leader, but now we can use our legs!

Just think of the possibilities!

I've included an instructional video for you to follow my lead. I recommend the Dora blinking light sneakers for extra ankle support and Elmo for your emotional well-being.