Operation: Total World Domination, On Hold

It seems my plans to commence Operation: Total World Domination have been put on hold now that Mom and Dad have thwarted my day care gig.

I suspect it was that freakish creature they call "Ginger" who tipped them off. I saw her lurking around the corner of my crib last week as I completed the blue prints for my latest invention: The Baby Army.

Still, there is hope yet! Word on the street says I'll be getting a doctor for a nanny, and with any luck, she won't be as difficult to convince as my Medicinal Over Lord (aka Grandmom - who keeps insisting I wait until I have full control of my fingers to perform my first human to warthog transplant).

So, perhaps all is not lost. With any luck I can use Dr. Nanny to help me build the prototype for my Baby Army (out of whichever helpless neighborhood kid Mom and Dad pick to Nanny Share).

And once I've achieved Total World Domination, winning American Idol will be a snap!

What's so great about My Evil Arch Nemesis?

My name is Ginger T. Dog and I have a bone to pick.

In November my life changed dramatically, and not for the better. I used to be the center of attention. At a mere glance, I could receive pets and cookies that any other dog would kill for. I had a cat to torture. Humans to love me. My life was an Eden and I knew it.

Now the cat won't come out of the closet, we are always out of cookies, and my Humans are always messing around with this new red-haired bumbling mess of gurgles and poop. They call it Emma, but I call it My Evil Arch Nemesis (aka M.E.A.N.), and I've had enough. It can't even sit up or shake hands! It gets bigger and bigger each time I see it! I don't even think it's a dog!

And when no one else is in the room, does M.E.A.N. just sit there gurgling as it did when the Humans were there? No! It starts staring at me, taunting me with its big eyes and knowing smile. I know what's going on in that growing head and I don't like it.

I have but one way of communicating with my Humans - to leave detailed messages by way of teeth marks in their shoes...I can only hope they are beginning to understand my SOS cries for help.

My Work Is Never Done

As you all know by now, I am preparing to audition for next season's American Idol. And, provided you've kept yourselves up to date, you also know that I've chosen the genre of Gangster Rap, as I feel it best encapsulates my life thus far.

But as every aspiring actress knows, her work is never done. This week I shall be practicing my various "surprise" faces for when the American Idol camera crew "unexpectedly" arrives at my abode.

Please be sure to comment (by way of the setting: Anonymous) and choose your favorite expression. A girl wants to look her most authentic for her adoring fans.

To Rap or Not to Rap?

Earlier today, I discovered that music is my life blood. Without it, I would wither away into nothingness, a la Charlotte Perkins Gilman in The Yellow Wallpaper . But I needed to further focus my goals. Music, in general, is wonderful - but to truly see through my new dream of winning the next season of American Idol - I knew I needed to find my calling within the many genres. Jazz appealed to my poetic side, after all who can deny a little soulful Nina Simone on a rainy night? And of course, punk rock will forever hold a place in my heart (I own every Clash album on vinyl). But nothing quite felt like me...until my afternoon stroll with Mom. We were wandering around Woodmoor when a large black SUV rounded the corner on two wheels. The music blaring from the car carried throughout the neighborhood, with its bass vibrating each front door a block before the gas guzzling SUV passed it. And just as my face hit the grass (Mom literally hurled me out of the path of the oncoming vehicle) it dawned on me: Gangster Rap.

American Idol, here comes Biggie Emma Claire.

I have a dream...

With my three month birthday rounding the corner, I decided to take stock of my life so far, and honestly re-evaluate what I have accomplished. I feel pretty good about single handedly discovering the power of free will, and to be honest, while I'm still not a huge fan of baths, I am beginning to see the benefits.

But I want more from life than baths and bowel movements. And this morning, I discovered it. I intend to be the youngest competitor in American Idol, and what is more, I believe I have a real shot of winning.

I initially toyed with the idea of Survivor, but who are we kidding? That is not reality. A few feet from the frame of the lens, there stands a table brimming with food and drink for the crew members. Do the contestants really need to eat rats? I think not.

American Idol, on the other hand, is gripping and real. There is a deep honesty in standing on stage in front of a live audience and lip synching.

I have found my calling. And I will succeed.

Free Will or Divine Intervention? Discuss.

Sunday was a real milestone in my life, and I'm not one to shy away from the spotlight. I pooped. Yeah. And I did it on my own. No more of Grandmom's "Magical Doopka Creams" for me!

And in the process of ensuring I never live through another one of Grandmom's Concoctions Of The Rear, I discovered that I am in control of my destiny.

You see, Mom frequently puts me in questionably "adorable" outfits. And I don't like it. At first I thought I was doomed to that fate (how young and foolish I was in the those first weeks). Little did I know that I can use the power of my bowels to guarantee a fast change.

Master of my own destiny? I think so.

Baths: Are They Worth The Hype?

It seems that I barely get a day of rest before it's Bath Time again! Sure, the bubbles are fun, but those creepy floating rubber ducks, with their blank stares...always watching... (shudder). They give me the heebie jeebies.

Furthermore, I spend all day collecting bits and pieces of formula and other desirables in the endless caverns of my belly rolls, only to have Mom and Pop heartily sponge it all away!

My vote? NO! Baths are definitely not worth the hype. And once I can get these gorgeous legs of mine to start working...Revenge will be mine!

Welcome!

Welcome to little Emma Claire's website! Check in regularly for updates on photos and bowel movements! When you just can't find enough cuteness in one day...remember Her Royal Highness Emma Claire is here to help.