What's so great about My Evil Arch Nemesis?

My name is Ginger T. Dog and I have a bone to pick.

In November my life changed dramatically, and not for the better. I used to be the center of attention. At a mere glance, I could receive pets and cookies that any other dog would kill for. I had a cat to torture. Humans to love me. My life was an Eden and I knew it.

Now the cat won't come out of the closet, we are always out of cookies, and my Humans are always messing around with this new red-haired bumbling mess of gurgles and poop. They call it Emma, but I call it My Evil Arch Nemesis (aka M.E.A.N.), and I've had enough. It can't even sit up or shake hands! It gets bigger and bigger each time I see it! I don't even think it's a dog!

And when no one else is in the room, does M.E.A.N. just sit there gurgling as it did when the Humans were there? No! It starts staring at me, taunting me with its big eyes and knowing smile. I know what's going on in that growing head and I don't like it.

I have but one way of communicating with my Humans - to leave detailed messages by way of teeth marks in their shoes...I can only hope they are beginning to understand my SOS cries for help.