All is not well in Denmark

Whose idea was this?

A day dedicated entirely to... my mom?

Sure, she's cute and all, and no one can top her cow imitations - but Mom gets a birthday?

Inconceivable!

In all my 131 days, never has one been devoted to anyone but me! And as far as I'm concerned, that is how it should be.

But today Grandmommy came over and was gushing over Mom. I was practically invisible. Not one phone call came my way, though the phone was consistently off the hook, and do you think there were any gifts in the postman's delivery addressed to me? Not one.

What is more? Tonight Mom and Dad are going out for a nice french dinner without me. As if I wouldn't enjoy a delectable rare viande l'americanne. C'est incroyable!

Let's just hope this "birthday" thing doesn't repeat itself.

The Baby Army

I believe I have found my first recruits for the Baby Army. Don't dispute me!
click here.

New Flash

ASSOCIATED PRESS
Silver Spring, MD - This week Forbes will feature their youngest cover model ever. At a mere 4 months, Emma Claire Sakala has shocked the world by grossing well over $45 billion in revenue from her stock sales. Her father, Brian Sakala stumbled upon her accessing his JP Morgan Chase account on the internet last Saturday. "I have to say, I didn't think she could even sit up on her own, let alone trade stock over the web," explained the shocked father.

Emma Claire's mother, Monica Sakala, was overjoyed at the news, "I suppose this explains why Suze Ormann called last week to schedule an interview with Emma."

Monica went on to explain an unusual meeting she had with Warren Buffet. "A few years back I went with my Northwestern grad class to meet my hero, Mr. Buffet. He took one look at me and fell to his knees. He said the prophecies were coming true and told me that in the near future I would birth a tiny money cow. I thought he had lost it, but it all makes sense now. Emma likes to moo and has made us billionaires."

However, despite Emma's sudden fortune, the young girl ensures the public that she won't let the money go to her head, and that her preferred afternoon is spent practicing animal noises with her parents.

Donald Trump is presently optioning a new TV show called Give Your Babies A Stock Portfolio They Are Smarter Than You, with hopes of featuring Emma Claire in the first season.

PHOTO: Emma Mooing with Mom & Dad.

News Flash

ASSOCIATED PRESS
Washington, DC - There has been a recent rash of unexplained Baby Hattings in the Washington DC metropolitan area this past week.

Babies everywhere are waking up from peaceful naps in their carriages or cribs only to discovered an Unauthorized Hat has been Placed Upon Their Heads.

Emma Claire Sakala, Totalitarian Ruler and CFO of the Baby Underground Movement (B.U.M.) stated, "I suspect the parents. I have frequently noticed my own mother cooing over some real shockers in the Hats 4 Babies R Us catalogue."

The police commissioner refused to comment, as she quickly stashed a suspiciously large baby mail order magazine behind her desk.

More Than Meets The Eye

Foiled again! Apparently Mom and Dad got wind of my plans to misuse the medicinal skills of Dr. Nanny and have chosen instead a "sweet, lovable mother of two" to watch me during the week. I suspect it was that hairy, drooling creature who tipped them off.

But little can sway my dreams of Total World Domination. And while I let them think they are on to me, I am always two steps ahead.

For example, only this morning I took a gander at the stack of nanny resumes left foolishly by my massage chair, and I noticed the "sweet, lovable mother of two" was not only fluent in three languages, but also trained in eight types of Kung Fu. Intriguing, I admit. But not intriguing enough to skool me! One look at her resume photo and I knew Miss Ana Marie was none other than AnneMarie, the youngest of my mother's sisters! It doesn't take a Master of Disguise to figure that one out. Fortunately, however, I do have that degree, along with my PhD in Whoop Ass.

But I'll let you, my obsequious fans, decide for yourselves. Is the photo below that of Ana Marie, the "sweet, lovable mother of two", or is it of Aunt Annie, the cold-blooded and poorly disguised samurai, out to squelch my dreams of totalitarian leadership?